About 8 months ago, I began dreaming vividly of a little fellow in Ethiopia, about 3-4 years old. For months I wrestled with the idea of adopting again in my head. I had all kinds of ammo against the idea. Yes, I said against. If you know me at all, you know that I want to do whatever I can to help the fatherless get united with Christian families. You would also know that I believe children are blessings, gifts from the Lord. Yet, these being true, I wrestled...the present economy, our own economic situation, the size of our house (5 of us in approximately 1,000 sq. ft is different than making it 6), the adoption wouldn't be the only expense as we'd outgrow our car and need a van, our ages (me, 43 and hubby, 47), fears that would require conquering, challenges with homeschooling, and on and on. I had made comments over the course of a few months to my husband and a few friends, but nothing denoting a seriousness on my part.
By June I found that my fears had been eased, my trust in God's ability to provide had grown, and my desire to do what it would take to pursue a little fellow in Ethiopia had increased. Not wrestling any more, I asked Mike to pray with me daily through the summer about it. I was hopeful, and excited to see where God would lead. Mike defined our positions in missionary terms: He was willing to go, should the Lord lead, but planning to stay and I was wanting to go, should the Lord lead, but willing to stay. We were and are 100% united in wanting to follow the Lord wherever He leads. I am SOOOOO grateful for that!
Mike gave me freedom to talk with others, to gather information, to share with him all I came across. I've watched hours of Ethiopian adoption related videos, talked with our social worker, and hunted down blogs through which I have made a few new friends (bless you, all who've taken the time to answer my questions about transitional issues with 3-4 year olds and all the other things I've interacted with you about). We talked with some of our close friends to get their input. We prayed daily and had a few lengthy discussions over the summer. It has been a really good summer for us seeking the Lord and His direction for our family together, and I have known peace as I trust my God to lead through Mike.
I want to thank all of you who have been praying alongside us through the summer. The reality is, God has NOT given Mike a desire to adopt again at this point. So though I still have desires, I am realigning myself with the help of God this week to think in terms of "planning to stay."
One of the fruits of this summer has been that our desire to help others along their adoption journeys via financial gifts as we're able, via encouragements, etc., has grown...we're thankful for the connections that have been made with you, and for the new friendships that have been formed this side of glory. We will continue to pray for those of you we know who are in the process and help you where we can...we look forward to rejoicing with you as God grafts His fatherless ones into your families.
Just wanted you all to know where things stand...we look forward to living out the good works God has prepared for us to walk in, as He leads. God bless you as you do the same, keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus!