I found myself repenting often in this season as God made it clear to me that the desire for children is a good desire, rightly placed in submission to Him, but when that desire becomes paramount it has become an idol of worship. I wish I could say I have learned that lesson once and for all, but I find myself seeking His mercy time and time again. I know I am not alone and hence I share this with you, so together we might grow in our love for God as He gives and withholds according to His sovereign wisdom and goodness.
He promises us to be our God, to never leave nor forsake us...the Lord Himself is our portion and He is good. Psalm 37:3-4 encouraged and encourages me still greatly: "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Where is our delight supposed to be found? In the Lord.
When we delight in Him, we are indeed satisfied more than if we were to have every earthly pleasure available. We were made for His glory...as we glory in Him, we know the joy we were made for. That is why I can say NOW, I am so glad God did not open my womb in those days. He has since granted children, three beautiful, milk-spilling, laughing, demanding, smiling, knee-scraping, delightful children...good gifts from His hand. And I love them best by loving God most.